Don’t waste your breath on fools, for they will despise the wisest advice. Proverbs 23:9
Have you ever had the feeling that your words were just not getting through to someone? You see their problem, and you know the solution that will get them to what they say is their desired result. So as a friend, you venture to explain step by step what they should do, how to do it, and what will happen if they follow your fool-proof instructions. You feel like you have done a good thing having helped a friend solve a problem that they had been dealing with for quite some time. Later on you get the startling phone call that they somehow have gotten into the same place that they were before because they did the opposite of what you advised them to do. They ask you for advice, again. The cycle beings, again. You know where this will end up, AGAIN.
The truth is that we often miss is some people actually like being dysfunctional. Or what i Like to call functional dysfunction. People who only can function in the midst of dysfunction. If nothing is going wrong then things are not normal. While that may seem insane, look at the evidence. You know people who never listen to the advice that will get them out of their issues, they just do the same thing and hope for a different result. They do stuff that won’t work, but seem blissfully happy while trying the latest and greatest scheme that does the same thing as the last scheme and predictably fails miserably. Then they come to cry on your shoulder, and you patch them back up. The problem is they leave feeling better and you wind up frustrated. Frustrated because, you know that it is only a matter of time before they will be back with the same problem, and you will give the same solution for them to ignore.
Now is the time for you to do something different. Stop trying to advise people who are not listening. If they are not on listening terms with good advice you should not be on speaking terms with giving them good advice. The truth of the matter is people who are invested in their dysfunction are just wasting your time. It does not make you a bad person if you accept that trying to help them is just frustrating you. It makes you someone smart enough to look for a fertile ground to plant your seeds of wisdom. Don’t worry what they will think when you stop advising them, they aren’t listening anyway.
Pastor Derrick Phillips